Raconteurs: Big Ideas

Storytelling

Come see me tell a story at this month’s Raconteurs, Toronto’s premier story-telling show. The theme this month is ‘Big Ideas’ and I’ll be recounting my famous freckle tattoo story. The cover is only 10$ which is a lot less than what I normally charge for my company.

CLICK HERE for the Facebook invitation. If you can’t make it out, you can read the text version of my story HERE.

That Time I Was Sound Tortured By An Angry Neighbor

Blog, Writing

“That Time I…” posts are true stories that am I retiring from my social repertoire. To honour them, I am committing them to text for the first time. Read stories about abortion, my awesome tattoo, and the infamous Tragic Hand Button.

The first time I noticed the song was playing, I didn’t hear it, I felt it. My bedroom floor began to rumble so I took off my headphones to determine the cause. I didn’t recognize the song blasting from the apartment below me – some aggressively bassy, chugging black metal – so I shrugged and put my headphones back on. I wasn’t phased. After all, it was the middle of the day and my downstairs neighbor hadn’t made a peep since I moved in. He was entitled to some noise-making. An hour later, as I left my room, his music was still going. I thought to myself, ‘Man, this music sucks. It all sounds the same.’

That Time I Got A Tattoo Of A Freckle

Blog, Writing

“That Time I…” posts are true stories that am I retiring from my social repertoire. To honour them, I am committing them to text for the first time. Read stories about sound torture, abortion, and the infamous Tragic Hand Button.

My friend Matt quietly sipped his coffee while I talked about my character-building adventures in Europe. I told him about walking through St. Peter’s just after the death of John Paul. I told him about the Lutheran Bible I bought in Berlin and the perpetual bookfair  that takes place on the site where Nazis burned them. I also told him about an idea I had, but didn’t follow though on, to have a freckle tattooed on my arm. His response to all of that was, “Let’s do it right now. My friend works in a tattoo parlour on Yonge Street.”

That Time I Got Fired From My Usher Job

Blog, Writing

“That Time I…” posts are true stories that am I retiring from my social repertoire. To honour them, I am committing them to text for the first time. Read stories about sound torture, abortion, and my awesome tattoo.

I graduated university with a degree in Theatre. When I considered, after the fact, what this qualified me to do, I didn’t think about moving to Los Angeles or writing the great Canadian screenplay. I thought that maybe – just maybe – this qualified me to be an usher.

Working against me was the fact that I had not taken a single course called Intro To Never Saying Anything Offensive or Being Nice To Old People, 1990 – Present. However, I would absolutely be able to deliver if a patron needed clarification on the proper definition of dramatic irony (the boring kind of irony). A posh downtown theatre agreed and gave me the job.